Roar like a Warrior

  Kesha The Best Is Yet To Come! When a person loses the will to live no one can give it back to them. They must themselves, fight to find it. 2019 was a brutal year. It took me down more than once. My grief has truly overwhelmed me. I could list those brutal events and make you all cry. Instead I'd rather make a post that declares I found my will again! I'd rather thank the people who nurtured my spirit, even though I could no longer feel it. I'd rather thank the people who sacrificed for me and my family than to name the people who tried to destroy it. Im in 2020 because I didn't have to fight alone! I'm in 2020 because of all of you! My lifelong shepherds and all my precious friends  and my soul sister Bec. That once in a lifetime friend who spends 2 hours turning you into Kesha. Turning your tears golden, so you can go across the road to the park for NYE feeling fabulous. 10 minutes of fireworks. Asleep by 1am. Sober. Supported. Loved. Safe. 2020 - Time to inves...

  PEOPLE I LOVE We are all perfectly placed. I dont know your name. You lived at 51 Carrol Ave, Millgrove in 1994. You were my neighbour.  I was a 14 year old pregnant girl.  You could hear the screams, I know because you told me. You cried and I thought I'd upset you. "No, you sweetly replied. Not you. You could never upset me."  You had a young son. I think his name was Callum but my memory is distorted from the trauma so that might not be his name and I may never know yours! What was never distorted though was your gentle kindness.....  I remember meeting you the first time. I'd knocked on your door to ask if you had put a collar on my cat. Weird I know!  I had a kitten that I really loved. Stony. A little black and white bundle of joy. I didn't have any money though and didn't really know how to care for myself yet alone a pet. So when my kitten showed up with a fancy collar I was a little confused.  You had cats too. Well loved and cared for cats ...

   A Drop In the Ocean A drop in the ocean is seen as insignificant to the amount needed to create an ocean. But the power of the ocean is in the single drop. I'm grateful for all the drops that have created the ocean I currently am, the intentional and unintentional ones, the dirty ones, the large ones, the tiniest ones. I would not be who I am without any of them and not a single one of them was more valuable than another. Sometimes I wanna give my whole ocean to ease another's suffering but then I remind myself that the power is in the single drop. I don't need to see the result of my drops to another to see its beauty, power or worth. I understand it's immense power when I look at the ocean I am.

Valentines Day After a week of little to no sleep, my day started with being woken at 6am by a cranky daughter. Waving her shorts in my face she loudly demanded, "find my correct sports shorts" before flinging herself down on the ground crying "I'm too tired for this, I'm going back to bed and I don't care if I'm late for school"! The parent in me thought, this is not appropriate behaviour but the exhausted pigeon in me, was like you go girl ain't nobody got the energy for 6am short fights! The day progressed as normal. Trying to juggle 600 balls in the air, attempting not to drop any whilst fearing the usual thought that I should be juggling more without being sure what that more is. I didn't even realise it was Valentines Day till late morning. Those that know me, know that I'm usually planning for my favourite holiday at least a week ahead. By late afternoon I caught myself replying to Valentine's well wishes from DJ with slurs aga...

 

NO ONE SPOKE Me: How did I get here? Universe:  No One Spoke! A house is not always a home,  A home is not always a house,  A right society is not always right And right is not always enough…. ~ Ange Kelly This is the place he raised me, while I raised our son.  This is where I lived.  No power, no running water, no neighbours.  This is where I married him.  This is where I first truly defied him by going back to school.  This is where I learnt how you valued me.  This is where No One Spoke.  It wasn't; he wasn't, the first nor the last…. but it was the beginning of the end. This is the house I built, the land I found. This is the dream with its white picket fence. The sweet yellow nursery. The seed of a plant. Now I paid tax, now I worked corporate.  Now you would value me. But…. Still No One Spoke. Not until after. “I heard her screams” the neighbours said “We were very concerned” the officials said “We thought he would kill her,”...